Website Terms and Conditions

This blog may include sarcastic or snide remarks as well as tirades on any number of subjects so if you’re easily offended bugger off somewhere else.

But you can’t say you weren’t warned. This blog is created solely to amuse its author and anyone else who might find this stuff entertaining.

Very little care has been taken in the preparation of any information on this site so the author makes no representation, warranty or guarantee in connection with any content or opinion herein and to the maximum extent permitted by law the author disclaims all liability in respect of such information.

In fact it’s probably fair to say the information included in this blog isn’t accurate, comprehensive, verified or complete or fit for any particular purpose which is why we accept no liability for any loss of whatsoever nature or howsoever caused, arising directly or indirectly from the use of or reliance upon anything you read here.

Nothing on this site constitutes medical advice. And if you think it does, step away from the computer and never use the internet again. If you want to win a Darwin award, go for it. It’s a free country. Live the dream. But don’t blame us if you’re a twat.


Access to this website is permitted on a temporary basis and we reserve the right to withdraw or amend the service without notice. You are responsible for making all arrangements necessary for you to have access to our website. You are also responsible for ensuring that all persons accessing the website through your connection are aware of these terms and that they comply with them.

If we permit you to post or provide information on or via this website you must ensure that such information does not contravene any applicable laws or infringe any person’s legal rights. We do not monitor or edit content posted or by third parties and accordingly we do not accept any responsibility for any damage or loss any such content may cause.

There are a lot of twats on the Internet so – statistically speaking – there are bound to be some twats that post here, not least the author. We do reserve the right to ban anyone we feel like for arbitrary and capricious reasons. It’s our sandpit so it’s our rules and if you piss in teh corner we’ll send you home so don’t kvetch about it.


We will only collect personal information from you which you have voluntarily provided by leaving a comment on this website or via our social media channels, by completing an enquiry form on the website or by sending us an email. If you provide us with your contact details, we may contact you. Which is probably why you’re doing it.

If you do not want your personal data collected or used, please do not submit your data to us by any means whatosever.

You agree that we may obtain, hold and use the personal information you provide for the purposes of providing you with our services and ancillary services (the “Purposes”). The Purposes include, without limitation:

  • To respond to any enquiries you have made;

  • To gain irrevocable rights to your immortal soul;

  • To conduct surveys or promotions;

  • Contacting you if we feel like it or change our terms or if we need to give you notice of those terms;

  • To stalk you with tracking nanobots delivered via chemtrails;

  • For the purpose of sending random stuff to you (by post, telephone, fax, email or other available method) unless you indicate or subsequently notify us that you do not wish to receive such material;

  • For the prevention of fraud;

  • For any purpose required by law or regulatory authorities;

  • For our billing or accounting purposes.

You consent to the transfer of your personal information to countries outside the European Economic Area (which countries may not provide the same protection for your personal information as the UK), in the event that the processing of your personal information involves such a transfer. Actually we use reputable hosting with servers based in the EU with proper security in place. It’s not like this is all hosted on some laptop in deepest Rumbabwe (formerly British Rumbabaland), honest.

We do not share, sell or distribute personal data to or with third parties unless:

  1. The transfer of your data to third parties is strictly necessary for the performance of the Purposes;
  2. You have consented to this; or
  3. It is required to enforce or apply our terms and conditions or other agreements, or to protect the our rights, property or safety and the rights of others.

In all seriousness we do take folks’ personal data seriously, even if they are desperate enough to share it with us.


A cookie is a small text file containing information that a website transfers to your computer’s hard disk. It does not contain chocolate chips, you cannot eat it and there is no special hidden jar.

When you first visit the site in a new browser window an annoying bar will pop up telling you that we (just like every other site in the bleedin’ world) uses cookies. They make the Internet work. They help make the site load faster but we can also use them for record-keeping purposes and to analyse our site traffic patterns if we can be arsed. Which we usually can’t.

If you’re super-anal you can change your settings here:

Other Stuff

Trade Marks and Copyright

Any third party trade marks used on this site are the property of their respective registered proprietors.

Viruses and Security

Our policy is to carry out virus checks on any documents or files that we may post to this website, from time to time but we cannot guarantee that any download of such documents or files will be virus-free. Accordingly, we do not accept any responsibility for any damage or loss caused by any virus, spyware, malware or any other such programs or code. For your own protection, we urge you to use up to date virus checking software when using the Internet. You must also virus check any document or file which you intend to provide to us via this or any of our other websites or email addresses and likewise you must not post or provide to us any document or file which you believe may contain a virus.

Email Policy

We will only send you emails that we believe you have expressed an interest in receiving. If you wish to unsubscribe from emails sent by us, you may do so at any time by clicking on the “unsubscribe” link that appears in all messages or via the ‘Contact’ page of the website. We only want to send info to people who want to receive it so if we cock up we’re sorry. Tell us and we’ll put it right.

We may monitor and/or keep records of email communications which you send to us in accordance with this policy.

Third-Party Websites

This website may contain links to other websites provided by third parties. is not responsible for the content of such other websites either and disclaim all liability in respect of such websites and any content thereon to the maximum extent permitted by law. We reserve the right in our absolute discretion to prohibit any link from any other website to materials or information on this website without notice,


We reserve the right to vary or amend these terms and conditions from time to time and any such variations or amendments shall take immediate effect upon posting to this website. We therefore recommend you revisit these terms and conditions on a regular basis, especially if you suffer from insomnia.

A person who is not a party to these terms and conditions may not enforce any of its terms under the Contracts (Rights of Third Parties) Act 1999.

Any headings in these terms and conditions are for reference purposes only and shall not affect the construction of anything contained herein.

By visiting this website you agree to be bound by these terms and conditions. Because you can’t beat a bit of bondage, fnarr fnarr.